Category Archives: Alcohol

Weed 🍁

Let me just say that I’ve always made friends with all the wrong types of people. All the low people that believe they are the little rebels & are so “cool.”

When I was 13 I was going out to clubs and getting absolutely hammered and mortal, (every weekend).

When I was about 14 I turned to weed & cigarettes. I was smoking both a helluva lot every day.

I met my boyfriend 5 days after I turned 15, that’s when I stopped smoking the weed.

A year passed and all my episodes stayed. I was put into hospital, (the bloody metal ward). There I met a girl who was messed up. She wasn’t bipolar but abused herself.

When we got out of hospital we bought weed and were smoking it on a daily basis. After a few months I couldn’t be friends with her anymore. The weed was effing me up!

This is what would happen:

  • I’d smoke & when it wore off id drop into a deep depressive state. This made me smoke more.
  • I stopped taking my tablets because I thought the weed was helping me.
  • I started cutting & I believed it was ‘fun’ at the time. (I have scars.)
  • I would spend all my money on weed & alcohol.
  • I sniffed my tablets, because I thought they would give me a rush. All they did was burn my nose!
  • It made me suicidal

I was stupid & immature.

I don’t smoke anything but cigarettes anymore. I hope no one does what I did because it put my treatment back about 6 months. When I stopped completely I was depressed to the point where I wouldn’t leave the house & just lie in bed all day & comfort eat. 

Quick quote:

“A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor!” 🌊

Anyway, that’s all folks. Just felt like opening up!

Bitch!

So I decided to open up to one of my colleagues about my bipolar. She obviously knew that I have bipolar. But she was asking questions.

Questions that I would never normally answer to people that aren’t in my little personal bubble! 

I answer all her questions, and I felt exceptionally good & relieved. Quite proud to be honest.

But then she said “I don’t know how anyone can live with a bipolar, too much work” 

I was so angry, I left the office before I punched her in the face. 

I lashed her over whatsapp & she started saying loads of apologetic shit. Which I couldn’t give a damn about.

I work for my mother-in-law and her and my mum are like my best friends. So you can imagine how angry they were. 

My father-in-law tongue lashed her earlier in the day for being bitchy and telling them what to do. She’s not the owner my parents are. The fucking idiot.

So yeah, I went into work today with a big head on cause she’d been put in her place. 

But she’s a fucking bitch!

Sorry just needed to vent!