Category Archives: Alcohol

Weed 🍁

2015, Alcohol, Anxiety, Bipolar, Depressed, Fear, Fuck, Motto, Nervous, New year, Panic attacks, Pictures, Quotes, Sleep, Tablets, Tired, Upset, Weed

Let me just say that I’ve always made friends with all the wrong types of people. All the low people that believe they are the little rebels & are so “cool.”

When I was 13 I was going out to clubs and getting absolutely hammered and mortal, (every weekend).

When I was about 14 I turned to weed & cigarettes. I was smoking both a helluva lot every day.

I met my boyfriend 5 days after I turned 15, that’s when I stopped smoking the weed.

A year passed and all my episodes stayed. I was put into hospital, (the bloody metal ward). There I met a girl who was messed up. She wasn’t bipolar but abused herself.

When we got out of hospital we bought weed and were smoking it on a daily basis. After a few months I couldn’t be friends with her anymore. The weed was effing me up!

This is what would happen:

  • I’d smoke & when it wore off id drop into a deep depressive state. This made me smoke more.
  • I stopped taking my tablets because I thought the weed was helping me.
  • I started cutting & I believed it was ‘fun’ at the time. (I have scars.)
  • I would spend all my money on weed & alcohol.
  • I sniffed my tablets, because I thought they would give me a rush. All they did was burn my nose!
  • It made me suicidal

I was stupid & immature.

I don’t smoke anything but cigarettes anymore. I hope no one does what I did because it put my treatment back about 6 months. When I stopped completely I was depressed to the point where I wouldn’t leave the house & just lie in bed all day & comfort eat. 

Quick quote:

“A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor!” 🌊

Anyway, that’s all folks. Just felt like opening up!

Bitch!

2015, Alcohol, Anxiety, Bipolar, Bitch, Depressed, Fear, Help, Nervous, Panic attacks, Proud, Tablets, Tired, Upset, Weather

So I decided to open up to one of my colleagues about my bipolar. She obviously knew that I have bipolar. But she was asking questions.

Questions that I would never normally answer to people that aren’t in my little personal bubble! 

I answer all her questions, and I felt exceptionally good & relieved. Quite proud to be honest.

But then she said “I don’t know how anyone can live with a bipolar, too much work” 

I was so angry, I left the office before I punched her in the face. 

I lashed her over whatsapp & she started saying loads of apologetic shit. Which I couldn’t give a damn about.

I work for my mother-in-law and her and my mum are like my best friends. So you can imagine how angry they were. 

My father-in-law tongue lashed her earlier in the day for being bitchy and telling them what to do. She’s not the owner my parents are. The fucking idiot.

So yeah, I went into work today with a big head on cause she’d been put in her place. 

But she’s a fucking bitch!

Sorry just needed to vent!