Quick quote:

God wouldn’t have allowed it unless he had a purpose. 

Don’t just go through it, grow through it 🌻

Grandad

You’re still here in my dreams,

But I wish you weren’t. 

Seeing that big smile in person was amazing,

No one can compare to you.

The only one who saved me, 

The only one who took an interest.

Mum says I’ll see you again,

I hope I go to heaven too.

It will be 4 years that you have been gone in 10 days,

Please watch over me & help me get through it. 

I love you for eternity, 

Rest in paradise, Grandad 💕

~AshKaay 

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Tablets

Does every bipolar person get to that stage where they can’t be bothered to take their pills. Or think they’ll do better without them?

Because I’m at that stage. Taking my tablets makes me feel sick. I absolutely despise taking them. They make me feel like an out cast, not normal, different. And yes it’s good to be different but not in this way. 

Taking my tablets in front of friends is horrifying. Going out to a club is horrifying, people ask, “why aren’t you drinking.” I say I don’t feel like it but they try & force you to. Then you end up telling them the whole story. “Because I take tabs,” “why?” “I’m bipolar” & so on & so forth. 

Quick quote: 

“Be careful who you open up to. Only a few people actually care, the rest are just curious.” -Anonymous 

💕AshKaay

Exercise?

so I haven’t been doing any exercise lately & I have put on quite a bit of weight from not doing so & because of my tabs.

I’d just like to know what exercise other bipolar people do, that’s easy & not so time consuming! 

I know that I am lethargic & have literally no energy, unless I live on energy drinks 🙈, so I don’t think I could manage with heavy exercise at the moment. 

I mostly want to lose weight on my tummy & thighs. Anyone have any ideas? 

💕AshKaay

Dad

“A daddy isn’t defined as the man who makes the child, but rather a man who extends his hands and time to help raise the child and gives his heart and love to the child. BLOOD doesn’t always make you a DADDY. Being a daddy comes from the heart. Any fool can make a baby, it takes a man to raise a child”

My dad is amazing, he is always there for me. He is my dad, not my biological father but my dad!

He means more to me than the asshole, who was involved in bringing me into the world, ever will.

No matter what the circumstance he is there whenever I need him. My mum & I both have bipolar & I know it takes its tole on him but, he has always stuck by both of us & I know he always will.

My mum & dad are the only two people in my family who haven’t let me down & I love them more each & everyday for it.

My dad may not be my biological father but he is my DAD & always will be. 



💕AshKaay 

Today

“Bipolar disorder is like a thief. 
It steals and never gives back.”

I really feel shitty. My boyfriend goes to work in Zimbabwe for 10 days on Wednesday. I don’t know what I’m going to do without him.

Luckily I see my psychologist on Thursday so it’s not so bad. 

I’m tired constantly and I’m so over it right now. I’ve been good – haven’t been sleeping in the day. But, I think today I deserve a nap! 

I just this second got a whatsapp from my mother in law asking if I want to go pick out a bath & lots of new things for the house we are building on the farm. I can’t turn that down cause I love interior decorating. But there’s always a catch. Lunch with our pastor & his wife!

Any prayers for no panic attacks would be greatly appreciated.

Quick quote:

“He who kneels before God, can stand before anyone.” 

Have a good day,

💕AshKaay 

Childhood…



do you ever wish that you could go back to being the ages of 4-10? I do.

Those carefree years, where the shits happening all around you but you don’t give a damn. Horrible things may of happened to you, but the good and the carefree things overcome the memories of the bad and allow you to remember all the fun and exciting things you did. 

At that age, no one cares if you have hairy legs, it’s normal. No one cares if you do or don’t wear designer clothes. No one cares if you are full of dirt. No one cares about how you look, what you do, or where you are or live. It’s a beautiful age.

I wish I could go back there, minus the rape and abuse. But those were fun years. Sleepovers with friends, bonfires seemed like the coolest thing on the planet and fireworks were just out of this world at that age. 

Building little forts and playing games on the fields. Being cheeky and getting away with it. Ice creams and lollipops from the ice cream truck.

Ahh that age was amazing. Am I the only one that wishes I could be that age again? Do you have memories or things you wish you could still do?

💕AshKaay 

We can’t make everyone happy

Like the title says; we can’t make everyone happy. Which is completely 100% true.

I know how it feels when you try so hard for someone to be happy with what you’ve done/achieved/said, etc. and they aren’t. It’s a crappy feeling.

But it’s reality, not everyone is going to be happy with us all the time. So why do we get so worked up when we can’t make these people happy and content? It’s because we try so hard. We try hard for acceptance. To prove to them we are ‘normal’. 

It might not be that way for everyone but I know it is for me. 

But you know what, we can’t make everyone happy, try & if it fails then at least you know that you put in the effort from your side to try. 

Remember you can’t make everyone happy, you’re not a Nutella jar 😛 .

I’ve taken my tablets so if this post isn’t 100%, blame it on them not me 😂 .

Chin up beauties,

💕AshKaay 

Got my glasses:



So I have my glasses. Feeling quite comfortable in them. I need to get out & show these babies off. Aaahaha!

My dad said they make me look “Smart.” The bugger, as if I’m not smart enough! 😂

Anyway, I’m taking one step at a time in my journey with God. I’m making it serious this time. I’m committing myself to the Lord. I might mess up, I’m guarenteed to sin, but I’m getting closer to our Heavenly Father. 

I’m so happy at the moment, plus I slept well last night! Which is a first in a long time!

Quick quote:

“Bipolar can make you unstable, but you are still able. Never give up, never give in, you will find your peace again.” -G.E Laine

Hope everyone has a wonderful day, 💕AshKaay 

Born again! 🙏

So, I used to be amazingly dedicated to God & my bible.

But I lost my way over the past couple of years with all the stress & handling the diagnosis. I thought God hated me.

I wouldn’t be here today if it wasn’t for God. He is always working behind the scenes in my life, everyone’s life!

So today after going to church for the past couple of months & watching Christian programmes on the tv. 

I gave my life to the Lord! I am a born again Christian! 🙌

Praise the Lord!

“Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you” Hebrews 13:5