Category Archives: GOD

Grandad

You’re still here in my dreams,

But I wish you weren’t. 

Seeing that big smile in person was amazing,

No one can compare to you.

The only one who saved me, 

The only one who took an interest.

Mum says I’ll see you again,

I hope I go to heaven too.

It will be 4 years that you have been gone in 10 days,

Please watch over me & help me get through it. 

I love you for eternity, 

Rest in paradise, Grandad 💕

~AshKaay 

Dad

“A daddy isn’t defined as the man who makes the child, but rather a man who extends his hands and time to help raise the child and gives his heart and love to the child. BLOOD doesn’t always make you a DADDY. Being a daddy comes from the heart. Any fool can make a baby, it takes a man to raise a child”

My dad is amazing, he is always there for me. He is my dad, not my biological father but my dad!

He means more to me than the asshole, who was involved in bringing me into the world, ever will.

No matter what the circumstance he is there whenever I need him. My mum & I both have bipolar & I know it takes its tole on him but, he has always stuck by both of us & I know he always will.

My mum & dad are the only two people in my family who haven’t let me down & I love them more each & everyday for it.

My dad may not be my biological father but he is my DAD & always will be. 



💕AshKaay 

Poem

I haven’t posted in a while so here’s a poem I wrote:


You don’t know how it feels

to be an outcast
Pushed aside as if an alien

You don’t know how it feels
To have to live with this
The constant stigma

You don’t know how it feels 
To be called names
You’re ‘normal’

You don’t know how it feels
To have you’re mind spinning constantly
With no control

You don’t know how it feels
When people don’t understand 
Don’t try to or want to

You don’t know how it feels.

💕AshKaay 

Childhood…



do you ever wish that you could go back to being the ages of 4-10? I do.

Those carefree years, where the shits happening all around you but you don’t give a damn. Horrible things may of happened to you, but the good and the carefree things overcome the memories of the bad and allow you to remember all the fun and exciting things you did. 

At that age, no one cares if you have hairy legs, it’s normal. No one cares if you do or don’t wear designer clothes. No one cares if you are full of dirt. No one cares about how you look, what you do, or where you are or live. It’s a beautiful age.

I wish I could go back there, minus the rape and abuse. But those were fun years. Sleepovers with friends, bonfires seemed like the coolest thing on the planet and fireworks were just out of this world at that age. 

Building little forts and playing games on the fields. Being cheeky and getting away with it. Ice creams and lollipops from the ice cream truck.

Ahh that age was amazing. Am I the only one that wishes I could be that age again? Do you have memories or things you wish you could still do?

💕AshKaay 

Happiness 

“Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of places, if one only remembers to turn on the light.” 

-Albus Dumbledore


Ahh, had a long day today. Passport photos, salon, mall, nursery! But, you know what? I was happy today. Regardless of all the stress.

I’ve got to go back to the nursery tomorrow with my mother-in-law. She also feels like some new plants/flowers. 

It’s only 2 days to Valentine’s Day. I’ve got my man some cute things 😝 .

I must say I’m a little bit frustrated at the moment as my boyfriend & I own our own place. But, we’re sleeping at his parents house constantly. It’s really bugging me. But anyway. That’s the way the cookie crumbles 🍪 .

Have a good night, God bless 🙌 .

💕AshKaay 

Got my glasses:



So I have my glasses. Feeling quite comfortable in them. I need to get out & show these babies off. Aaahaha!

My dad said they make me look “Smart.” The bugger, as if I’m not smart enough! 😂

Anyway, I’m taking one step at a time in my journey with God. I’m making it serious this time. I’m committing myself to the Lord. I might mess up, I’m guarenteed to sin, but I’m getting closer to our Heavenly Father. 

I’m so happy at the moment, plus I slept well last night! Which is a first in a long time!

Quick quote:

“Bipolar can make you unstable, but you are still able. Never give up, never give in, you will find your peace again.” -G.E Laine

Hope everyone has a wonderful day, 💕AshKaay 

Born again! 🙏

So, I used to be amazingly dedicated to God & my bible.

But I lost my way over the past couple of years with all the stress & handling the diagnosis. I thought God hated me.

I wouldn’t be here today if it wasn’t for God. He is always working behind the scenes in my life, everyone’s life!

So today after going to church for the past couple of months & watching Christian programmes on the tv. 

I gave my life to the Lord! I am a born again Christian! 🙌

Praise the Lord!

“Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you” Hebrews 13:5

Church

I went to church today. Yes, me. Church. That has over 100 people. I didn’t even feel the need to take a rivotril! I took notes & sang the hymns. 

To be honest I’m quite proud of myself.

I’ve got a killer headache & didn’t sleep very well last night but I feel so alive today. More than I’ve felt in a long time! I think the Holy Spirit is working within me 🙏.

Incase you haven’t heard this today:

  1. You’re beautiful 👸👱
  2. You’re loved 💗
  3. You’re needed 👥
  4. You’re alive for a reason 👣
  5. You’re stronger than you think 💪
  6. You’re going to get through this 🙏
  7. I’m glad you’re still alive 😀
  8. Don’t give up 🌟
  9. Be positive 👍
  10. I care 👯👬

Nap time 😴

💕AshKaay 

People always ask me

People always ask me why I lift people up & how I find it within myself to always think of others first when I’m depressed or down myself. 

The reason I do is because people need it & when people are down I don’t want them to feel the way I do. 

I live by this.. JOY = Jesus first, Yourself last, Others in between. 

I hope everyone has a great day, I am going out of my comfort zone & going to the mall. Praying that my social anxiety disorder will settle down & no panic attacks today.

💕AshKaay