Category Archives: Push away

Do you want to be bipolar?

Do you want to be bipolar?

Because I’ll happily swap.

You go around saying you are,

With no proof,

None at all.

Pretending to be bipolar isn’t fair,

It just proves that you don’t care.

To be bipolar is quite shit,

So don’t be all pathetic and have no whit.

I can’t believe that you would be so sly,

When there’s bipolar people out there wanting to die. 

This is from me, AshKaay,

So have your own life and go your own way.

…goodnight REAL fellow bipolar sufferers ­čĺĽ

Sick of it

´╗┐Sick of crying,
Tired of trying,
Yes, I’m smiling.                            ..but inside I’m dying.

I can’t even explain. There’s no words to describe how I feel. None at all. Nada, nix, nothing.

I can’t take all this shit in my life no more. I’m suicidal, depressed, upset.. Constantly. 

..and no one understands. Yes people might understand parts of what I’m going through but no one can understand fully.

I’m done. Done trying. Done hoping. Done coping. Just done!

I’ve finally cracked. And it doesn’t look like these peices are fitting back together anytime soon.

­čś×AshKaay 

deproo!

you don’t get it okay
It’s not easy for me to explain 
But I’m not trying to be lazy, it’s just that I’m so effing tired
And I have no motivation to succeed and I don’t even know why this life is happening to me!

When depression takes over & I can’t push through it, I have to close my door & shut the world out. It’s the only way I know how to survive. 

I can’t get through this depressive state. No one understands properly. The people in my workplace think I’m nuts, I know it. 

They look at me like I’m an outcast, an alien & it’s not fair. I’m trying my best & my best is never good enough. 

All I do is pray, pray & pray. Is God listening to my prayers? 

Why does BPD have us push people away?

I will tell you why.
It’s because when we love, we love stronger & beyond the universe. Love is intense for us. We may try to give you the world if we could.
But we are terrified when we get too close because when it’s time for you to say “goodbye” we are terrified and lost. The separation emotion is extremely intense and painful. We feel that the pain will kill us. 
We push people away only out of FEAR! As if we were going to fall off from an edge! You understand?
We honestly don’t mean to push away. We sincerely enjoy company and care.
Please give us time we are a work in process. Once we learn to love ourselves 100%, pushing away won’t be such an obstacle. 
-Ana Landa

This is to all my family members & friends! 

-AshKaay