Category Archives: Side effects

Thyroid 

So, I had blood tests done over a month ago, to test whether my thyroid was working properly. I only got the results now. I have an under active thyroid. What great effing news 😡.

So now I’m going to have to go on more tables.. Awesome 😓

When I was diagnosed with bipolar, I was a size 4 to 6, two years on these tablets and I’m now a size 16! 

I know it’s the tablets making me gain weight because my routine has not changed at all. 

I just hope these bloody thyroid tablets work and help me lose weight, otherwise I’m going to demand the weight loss pill in June when I see this new silly psychiatrist. 

Vent, vent & vent. 

Quick quote:

“Life is too ironic to fully understand. It takes sadness to know what happiness is. Noise to appreciate silence & absence to value presence.”

💕AshKaay

Grandad

You’re still here in my dreams,

But I wish you weren’t. 

Seeing that big smile in person was amazing,

No one can compare to you.

The only one who saved me, 

The only one who took an interest.

Mum says I’ll see you again,

I hope I go to heaven too.

It will be 4 years that you have been gone in 10 days,

Please watch over me & help me get through it. 

I love you for eternity, 

Rest in paradise, Grandad 💕

~AshKaay 

Tablets 

Does every bipolar person get to that stage where they can’t be bothered to take their pills. Or think they’ll do better without them?

Because I’m at that stage. Taking my tablets makes me feel sick. I absolutely despise taking them. They make me feel like an out cast, not normal, different. And yes it’s good to be different but not in this way. 

Taking my tablets in front of friends is horrifying. Going out to a club is horrifying, people ask, “why aren’t you drinking.” I say I don’t feel like it but they try & force you to. Then you end up telling them the whole story. “Because I take tabs,” “why?” “I’m bipolar” & so on & so forth. 

Quick quote: 

“Be careful who you open up to. Only a few people actually care, the rest are just curious.” -Anonymous 

💕AshKaay

Exercise?

so I haven’t been doing any exercise lately & I have put on quite a bit of weight from not doing so & because of my tabs.

I’d just like to know what exercise other bipolar people do, that’s easy & not so time consuming! 

I know that I am lethargic & have literally no energy, unless I live on energy drinks 🙈, so I don’t think I could manage with heavy exercise at the moment. 

I mostly want to lose weight on my tummy & thighs. Anyone have any ideas? 

💕AshKaay

Today

“Bipolar disorder is like a thief. 
It steals and never gives back.”

I really feel shitty. My boyfriend goes to work in Zimbabwe for 10 days on Wednesday. I don’t know what I’m going to do without him.

Luckily I see my psychologist on Thursday so it’s not so bad. 

I’m tired constantly and I’m so over it right now. I’ve been good – haven’t been sleeping in the day. But, I think today I deserve a nap! 

I just this second got a whatsapp from my mother in law asking if I want to go pick out a bath & lots of new things for the house we are building on the farm. I can’t turn that down cause I love interior decorating. But there’s always a catch. Lunch with our pastor & his wife!

Any prayers for no panic attacks would be greatly appreciated.

Quick quote:

“He who kneels before God, can stand before anyone.” 

Have a good day,

💕AshKaay 

Childhood…



do you ever wish that you could go back to being the ages of 4-10? I do.

Those carefree years, where the shits happening all around you but you don’t give a damn. Horrible things may of happened to you, but the good and the carefree things overcome the memories of the bad and allow you to remember all the fun and exciting things you did. 

At that age, no one cares if you have hairy legs, it’s normal. No one cares if you do or don’t wear designer clothes. No one cares if you are full of dirt. No one cares about how you look, what you do, or where you are or live. It’s a beautiful age.

I wish I could go back there, minus the rape and abuse. But those were fun years. Sleepovers with friends, bonfires seemed like the coolest thing on the planet and fireworks were just out of this world at that age. 

Building little forts and playing games on the fields. Being cheeky and getting away with it. Ice creams and lollipops from the ice cream truck.

Ahh that age was amazing. Am I the only one that wishes I could be that age again? Do you have memories or things you wish you could still do?

💕AshKaay