Category Archives: Tired

Do you want to be bipolar?

Do you want to be bipolar?

Because I’ll happily swap.

You go around saying you are,

With no proof,

None at all.

Pretending to be bipolar isn’t fair,

It just proves that you don’t care.

To be bipolar is quite shit,

So don’t be all pathetic and have no whit.

I can’t believe that you would be so sly,

When there’s bipolar people out there wanting to die. 

This is from me, AshKaay,

So have your own life and go your own way.

…goodnight REAL fellow bipolar sufferers 💕

Dad

“A daddy isn’t defined as the man who makes the child, but rather a man who extends his hands and time to help raise the child and gives his heart and love to the child. BLOOD doesn’t always make you a DADDY. Being a daddy comes from the heart. Any fool can make a baby, it takes a man to raise a child”

My dad is amazing, he is always there for me. He is my dad, not my biological father but my dad!

He means more to me than the asshole, who was involved in bringing me into the world, ever will.

No matter what the circumstance he is there whenever I need him. My mum & I both have bipolar & I know it takes its tole on him but, he has always stuck by both of us & I know he always will.

My mum & dad are the only two people in my family who haven’t let me down & I love them more each & everyday for it.

My dad may not be my biological father but he is my DAD & always will be. 



💕AshKaay 

Today

“Bipolar disorder is like a thief. 
It steals and never gives back.”

I really feel shitty. My boyfriend goes to work in Zimbabwe for 10 days on Wednesday. I don’t know what I’m going to do without him.

Luckily I see my psychologist on Thursday so it’s not so bad. 

I’m tired constantly and I’m so over it right now. I’ve been good – haven’t been sleeping in the day. But, I think today I deserve a nap! 

I just this second got a whatsapp from my mother in law asking if I want to go pick out a bath & lots of new things for the house we are building on the farm. I can’t turn that down cause I love interior decorating. But there’s always a catch. Lunch with our pastor & his wife!

Any prayers for no panic attacks would be greatly appreciated.

Quick quote:

“He who kneels before God, can stand before anyone.” 

Have a good day,

💕AshKaay 

We can’t make everyone happy

Like the title says; we can’t make everyone happy. Which is completely 100% true.

I know how it feels when you try so hard for someone to be happy with what you’ve done/achieved/said, etc. and they aren’t. It’s a crappy feeling.

But it’s reality, not everyone is going to be happy with us all the time. So why do we get so worked up when we can’t make these people happy and content? It’s because we try so hard. We try hard for acceptance. To prove to them we are ‘normal’. 

It might not be that way for everyone but I know it is for me. 

But you know what, we can’t make everyone happy, try & if it fails then at least you know that you put in the effort from your side to try. 

Remember you can’t make everyone happy, you’re not a Nutella jar 😛 .

I’ve taken my tablets so if this post isn’t 100%, blame it on them not me 😂 .

Chin up beauties,

💕AshKaay 

Sick of it

Sick of crying,
Tired of trying,
Yes, I’m smiling.                            ..but inside I’m dying.

I can’t even explain. There’s no words to describe how I feel. None at all. Nada, nix, nothing.

I can’t take all this shit in my life no more. I’m suicidal, depressed, upset.. Constantly. 

..and no one understands. Yes people might understand parts of what I’m going through but no one can understand fully.

I’m done. Done trying. Done hoping. Done coping. Just done!

I’ve finally cracked. And it doesn’t look like these peices are fitting back together anytime soon.

😞AshKaay 

Happy?

Does anyone know that feeling when you think you’re happy but there’s that one thing on the back of your mind?

I have that. I’m happy but I can’t stop thinking about things that have happened in the past. I honestly don’t know how to feel.

I need to vent. arghhh! Why can’t things in my life & head just be normal for once. Why can’t I have normal thoughts & be in a normal mood, not stuck in between.

I’ve been reading my book. It’s called “prayer box.” It’s actually turning out quite a good novel.

Anyway, I’m enjoying this book. Time to get my read onnnn! 📖

Quick quote:

“Happiness isn’t getting what you want. But appreciating what you have.” 

Church

I went to church today. Yes, me. Church. That has over 100 people. I didn’t even feel the need to take a rivotril! I took notes & sang the hymns. 

To be honest I’m quite proud of myself.

I’ve got a killer headache & didn’t sleep very well last night but I feel so alive today. More than I’ve felt in a long time! I think the Holy Spirit is working within me 🙏.

Incase you haven’t heard this today:

  1. You’re beautiful 👸👱
  2. You’re loved 💗
  3. You’re needed 👥
  4. You’re alive for a reason 👣
  5. You’re stronger than you think 💪
  6. You’re going to get through this 🙏
  7. I’m glad you’re still alive 😀
  8. Don’t give up 🌟
  9. Be positive 👍
  10. I care 👯👬

Nap time 😴

💕AshKaay 

I’m that girl

I’m that girl that talks others out of suicide, but has a hard time doing it for herself. She truthfully assures them how beautiful, lovely, wonderful and precious they all are. Because she doesn’t want them to feel the same way she does; the opposite. 

I’m the girl that puts on a smile even when I’m dying inside. I try my best to make everyone smile. Regardless of my own feelings or emotions. 

Making others happy makes me feel a little bit better inside, it makes me feel like I’m doing something good, instead of always doing bad. Being bad or looking bad. 

I will admit it, I have no friends. I have trouble letting people get close enough to be my friend. I wish I had friends. I used to but not anymore.

I’m so low and depressed at the moment. I feel like my insides are falling apart. I just need a person to talk to personally… Anyone out there?