Category Archives: Upset

Do you want to be bipolar?

Do you want to be bipolar?

Because I’ll happily swap.

You go around saying you are,

With no proof,

None at all.

Pretending to be bipolar isn’t fair,

It just proves that you don’t care.

To be bipolar is quite shit,

So don’t be all pathetic and have no whit.

I can’t believe that you would be so sly,

When there’s bipolar people out there wanting to die. 

This is from me, AshKaay,

So have your own life and go your own way.

…goodnight REAL fellow bipolar sufferers 💕

Sick of it

Sick of crying,
Tired of trying,
Yes, I’m smiling.                            ..but inside I’m dying.

I can’t even explain. There’s no words to describe how I feel. None at all. Nada, nix, nothing.

I can’t take all this shit in my life no more. I’m suicidal, depressed, upset.. Constantly. 

..and no one understands. Yes people might understand parts of what I’m going through but no one can understand fully.

I’m done. Done trying. Done hoping. Done coping. Just done!

I’ve finally cracked. And it doesn’t look like these peices are fitting back together anytime soon.

😞AshKaay 

I’m that girl

I’m that girl that talks others out of suicide, but has a hard time doing it for herself. She truthfully assures them how beautiful, lovely, wonderful and precious they all are. Because she doesn’t want them to feel the same way she does; the opposite. 

I’m the girl that puts on a smile even when I’m dying inside. I try my best to make everyone smile. Regardless of my own feelings or emotions. 

Making others happy makes me feel a little bit better inside, it makes me feel like I’m doing something good, instead of always doing bad. Being bad or looking bad. 

I will admit it, I have no friends. I have trouble letting people get close enough to be my friend. I wish I had friends. I used to but not anymore.

I’m so low and depressed at the moment. I feel like my insides are falling apart. I just need a person to talk to personally… Anyone out there?

Side effects of Trazadone!

I took my meds last night at about 9:00PM & I went to bed at about 10PM.

I fell asleep easily & slept really well. Until, I woke up at 5AM. I couldn’t move the right hand side of my body, I was crying with the pain.

It’s now an hour later & my right arm is just not functioning. I cannot move it at all! Not one inch. If I try to lift it it’s like it’s not attached & I have no control over it. 

It’s a horrible side effect, but the tablet works well.. What do I do? 

Quick quote:

“Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.

J.K. Rowling 

Phycologist

So I went to see my phycologist today & for once it was actually a great session. I didn’t get upset or feel like crap.

I’m really depressed at the moment but I felt happy to see her because I got her some Christmas prezzies – she liked them.

I’ve just taken my night time pills & I’m feeling really woozy! Think it’s time for bed soon! 

Quick quote:

“Never quit, if you stumble get back up. What happened yesterday no longer matters. Today is another day so get back on track & move closer to your dreams & goals. You CAN do it!”

understand!

I like it when it rains. Because I feel like the weather knows that I am crying inside, and it tried to show me that I’m not the only one.
T.Ariana

 You wish people just understood that little bit more? Me too! I want everything to be understood easily! But it’s not. But I will keep trying to help people understand.

Seeing my psychologist today, new meds. Yaay! 😞

Have a nice day 🌞

-AshKaay

deproo!

you don’t get it okay
It’s not easy for me to explain 
But I’m not trying to be lazy, it’s just that I’m so effing tired
And I have no motivation to succeed and I don’t even know why this life is happening to me!

When depression takes over & I can’t push through it, I have to close my door & shut the world out. It’s the only way I know how to survive. 

I can’t get through this depressive state. No one understands properly. The people in my workplace think I’m nuts, I know it. 

They look at me like I’m an outcast, an alien & it’s not fair. I’m trying my best & my best is never good enough. 

All I do is pray, pray & pray. Is God listening to my prayers? 

Strength

It takes strength to live with my mental illness.
So don’t you dare say that I am weak, because having a panic attack would drop you to your knees, darling. 

I’ve been told that I am “weak” many times. But I’d like to see all those people survive a day in my head! 

I’m sick of it. You know? 

Quick quote:

“There are far too many silent sufferers out there. Not because they don’t yearn to reach out, but because they’ve tried & found no one who cares.

-Richelle E. Goodrich

I can’t say good morning because it isn’t for me, enjoy your day.
 -AshKaay

A Bipolar mind:

I just want to walk right out of my life. No matter what I do, it’s never good enough. The older I get, the less patience I have. I’m so tired of people expecting more from me than I can give. I can’t stand the chaos anymore. I truly believe I’ve been on enough medications to know that where I am is the best I’ll ever be and it sucks knowing I’ve been cheated out of a better life. Worse than that, my family has had to pay the price as well. I’m tired. I’m tired of fighting to find happiness and peace of mind. For me, it has never come naturally. Sometimes I think I’d trade the rest of my life for one week of knowing what it feels like to be happy and have a genuine love of life. 

Night,

AshKaay ✌️

TRUTH:

Bipolar: it’s a brain disorder that causes mood swings which means it’s not about thinking positive enough or “snapping out of it” or about a negative feeling… It’s about having to deal with a disorder that interrupts the way the brain functions which effects the area of the brain that deals with moods. So get off my back & go educate yourself & snap out of being ignorant.

To all the horrible people out there that tell us to ‘snap out of it’, do your research babs!

All my meds taken, good night. Hope fully I get some sleep 😴💕