Claustrophobia

So, I had blood tests done over a month ago, to test whether my thyroid was working properly. I only got the results now. I have an under active thyroid. What great effing news 😡.

So now I’m going to have to go on more tables.. Awesome 😓

When I was diagnosed with bipolar, I was a size 4 to 6, two years on these tablets and I’m now a size 16!

I know it’s the tablets making me gain weight because my routine has not changed at all.

I just hope these bloody thyroid tablets work and help me lose weight, otherwise I’m going to demand the weight loss pill in June when I see this new silly psychiatrist.

Vent, vent & vent.

Quick quote:

“Life is too ironic to fully understand. It takes sadness to know what happiness is. Noise to appreciate silence & absence to value presence.”

💕AshKaay

To me claustrophobia is more than being trapped in small spaces. I’m scared of being trapped in relationships. I’m scared of being limited to one thing. I’m scared of people thinking they’re protecting me when really they’re smothering me. I’m scared of being in a position where I’m completely dependent on someone else & myself completely helpless.

Being smothered by people is the worst. It scares the living shit out of me. For example today, we were at the mall looking for shoes for a wedding that I am going to & the people that I was with were smothering me, “What about these.” “Or these, they’re really nice.” & so on & so forth. It’s not that I don’t appreciate it, it’s the fact that they get all up in my face & carry on asking me if I’m okay. I suffer from panic attacks & obviously you have to go into a mall to shoe shop. If I wasn’t okay then I would ask to leave. But I was fine until they started telling me to be this & that.

I eventually got so panicked I went outside to have a smoke by the car & ended up having a panic attack & feeling so claustrophobic even though I was out in the parking lot!

I absolutely hate it. I wouldn’t wish claustrophobia on my worst enemy!

Just venting!

💕AshKaay