Category Archives: Proud

Do you want to be bipolar?

Do you want to be bipolar?

Because I’ll happily swap.

You go around saying you are,

With no proof,

None at all.

Pretending to be bipolar isn’t fair,

It just proves that you don’t care.

To be bipolar is quite shit,

So don’t be all pathetic and have no whit.

I can’t believe that you would be so sly,

When there’s bipolar people out there wanting to die. 

This is from me, AshKaay,

So have your own life and go your own way.

…goodnight REAL fellow bipolar sufferers 💕


“Bipolar disorder is like a thief. 
It steals and never gives back.”

I really feel shitty. My boyfriend goes to work in Zimbabwe for 10 days on Wednesday. I don’t know what I’m going to do without him.

Luckily I see my psychologist on Thursday so it’s not so bad. 

I’m tired constantly and I’m so over it right now. I’ve been good – haven’t been sleeping in the day. But, I think today I deserve a nap! 

I just this second got a whatsapp from my mother in law asking if I want to go pick out a bath & lots of new things for the house we are building on the farm. I can’t turn that down cause I love interior decorating. But there’s always a catch. Lunch with our pastor & his wife!

Any prayers for no panic attacks would be greatly appreciated.

Quick quote:

“He who kneels before God, can stand before anyone.” 

Have a good day,



do you ever wish that you could go back to being the ages of 4-10? I do.

Those carefree years, where the shits happening all around you but you don’t give a damn. Horrible things may of happened to you, but the good and the carefree things overcome the memories of the bad and allow you to remember all the fun and exciting things you did. 

At that age, no one cares if you have hairy legs, it’s normal. No one cares if you do or don’t wear designer clothes. No one cares if you are full of dirt. No one cares about how you look, what you do, or where you are or live. It’s a beautiful age.

I wish I could go back there, minus the rape and abuse. But those were fun years. Sleepovers with friends, bonfires seemed like the coolest thing on the planet and fireworks were just out of this world at that age. 

Building little forts and playing games on the fields. Being cheeky and getting away with it. Ice creams and lollipops from the ice cream truck.

Ahh that age was amazing. Am I the only one that wishes I could be that age again? Do you have memories or things you wish you could still do?



Bipolar: it’s a brain disorder that causes mood swings which means it’s not about thinking positive enough or “snapping out of it” or about a negative feeling… It’s about having to deal with a disorder that interrupts the way the brain functions which effects the area of the brain that deals with moods. So get off my back & go educate yourself & snap out of being ignorant.

To all the horrible people out there that tell us to ‘snap out of it’, do your research babs!

All my meds taken, good night. Hope fully I get some sleep 😴💕


So I decided to open up to one of my colleagues about my bipolar. She obviously knew that I have bipolar. But she was asking questions.

Questions that I would never normally answer to people that aren’t in my little personal bubble! 

I answer all her questions, and I felt exceptionally good & relieved. Quite proud to be honest.

But then she said “I don’t know how anyone can live with a bipolar, too much work” 

I was so angry, I left the office before I punched her in the face. 

I lashed her over whatsapp & she started saying loads of apologetic shit. Which I couldn’t give a damn about.

I work for my mother-in-law and her and my mum are like my best friends. So you can imagine how angry they were. 

My father-in-law tongue lashed her earlier in the day for being bitchy and telling them what to do. She’s not the owner my parents are. The fucking idiot.

So yeah, I went into work today with a big head on cause she’d been put in her place. 

But she’s a fucking bitch!

Sorry just needed to vent!

So far, all is well

Its day 3 of the new year and everything seems to be going well. I am very depressed but I’m looking on the bright side, focusing on all the good things that are happening at this point in my life.

My new years resolution was to be happier within myself. I have already started working on doing so. Yesterday I went into the jam packed mall with my head held high. I didn’t have a panic attack, nor did I freak out over the amount of people. I’m very proud, if I say so myself. 

I used to eat with my hand over my mouth because I was always scared of what people would think of me eating. If I eat like a pig.. Look funny.. But yesterday I was like eff it. I didn’t put my hand over my mouth once 👍

I go back to work on Monday, which I’m not too excited about, as with most people. But I’m going to do my job and do it to the best of my ability. 

Ive decided to run everyday after work and my mum and I are thinking about signing up to a gym. I think I just need a little more time before I go to a gym and let my fat wobble infront of people. Plus, we have our own gym at home. Maybe a personal trainer? I don’t know. Cross that bridge when I come to it.

So even though I am depressed I am looking for that happy place that I so desperately long for. I’m getting there.

Here’s a quote to lift you up:

Have a lovely day ✌️


So, it’s the 2nd day of the new year & so far everything’s been going well. My nieces, sister & brother-in-law are on their way here for the weekend.

I thought I’d share some quotes to lift anyone that’s down in the dumps up! 

Enjoy the rest of your day & put smiles on all of your faces. Everyone is beautiful! 

“A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.” 😊