Dad

“A daddy isn’t defined as the man who makes the child, but rather a man who extends his hands and time to help raise the child and gives his heart and love to the child. BLOOD doesn’t always make you a DADDY. Being a daddy comes from the heart. Any fool can make a baby, it takes a man to raise a child”

My dad is amazing, he is always there for me. He is my dad, not my biological father but my dad!

He means more to me than the asshole, who was involved in bringing me into the world, ever will.

No matter what the circumstance he is there whenever I need him. My mum & I both have bipolar & I know it takes its tole on him but, he has always stuck by both of us & I know he always will.

My mum & dad are the only two people in my family who haven’t let me down & I love them more each & everyday for it.

My dad may not be my biological father but he is my DAD & always will be. 



💕AshKaay 

Today

“Bipolar disorder is like a thief. 
It steals and never gives back.”

I really feel shitty. My boyfriend goes to work in Zimbabwe for 10 days on Wednesday. I don’t know what I’m going to do without him.

Luckily I see my psychologist on Thursday so it’s not so bad. 

I’m tired constantly and I’m so over it right now. I’ve been good – haven’t been sleeping in the day. But, I think today I deserve a nap! 

I just this second got a whatsapp from my mother in law asking if I want to go pick out a bath & lots of new things for the house we are building on the farm. I can’t turn that down cause I love interior decorating. But there’s always a catch. Lunch with our pastor & his wife!

Any prayers for no panic attacks would be greatly appreciated.

Quick quote:

“He who kneels before God, can stand before anyone.” 

Have a good day,

💕AshKaay 

CHEERS 🍷



Why the hell wait until Valentine’s Day when you can drink now! Champagne & some nice wine! 

Hope everyone enjoys their evenings! Get some love in the air 💞 .

💕AshKaay

We can’t make everyone happy

Like the title says; we can’t make everyone happy. Which is completely 100% true.

I know how it feels when you try so hard for someone to be happy with what you’ve done/achieved/said, etc. and they aren’t. It’s a crappy feeling.

But it’s reality, not everyone is going to be happy with us all the time. So why do we get so worked up when we can’t make these people happy and content? It’s because we try so hard. We try hard for acceptance. To prove to them we are ‘normal’. 

It might not be that way for everyone but I know it is for me. 

But you know what, we can’t make everyone happy, try & if it fails then at least you know that you put in the effort from your side to try. 

Remember you can’t make everyone happy, you’re not a Nutella jar 😛 .

I’ve taken my tablets so if this post isn’t 100%, blame it on them not me 😂 .

Chin up beauties,

💕AshKaay 

Got my glasses:



So I have my glasses. Feeling quite comfortable in them. I need to get out & show these babies off. Aaahaha!

My dad said they make me look “Smart.” The bugger, as if I’m not smart enough! 😂

Anyway, I’m taking one step at a time in my journey with God. I’m making it serious this time. I’m committing myself to the Lord. I might mess up, I’m guarenteed to sin, but I’m getting closer to our Heavenly Father. 

I’m so happy at the moment, plus I slept well last night! Which is a first in a long time!

Quick quote:

“Bipolar can make you unstable, but you are still able. Never give up, never give in, you will find your peace again.” -G.E Laine

Hope everyone has a wonderful day, 💕AshKaay 

Born again! 🙏

So, I used to be amazingly dedicated to God & my bible.

But I lost my way over the past couple of years with all the stress & handling the diagnosis. I thought God hated me.

I wouldn’t be here today if it wasn’t for God. He is always working behind the scenes in my life, everyone’s life!

So today after going to church for the past couple of months & watching Christian programmes on the tv. 

I gave my life to the Lord! I am a born again Christian! 🙌

Praise the Lord!

“Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you” Hebrews 13:5

Church

I went to church today. Yes, me. Church. That has over 100 people. I didn’t even feel the need to take a rivotril! I took notes & sang the hymns. 

To be honest I’m quite proud of myself.

I’ve got a killer headache & didn’t sleep very well last night but I feel so alive today. More than I’ve felt in a long time! I think the Holy Spirit is working within me 🙏.

Incase you haven’t heard this today:

1. You’re beautiful 👸👱
2. You’re loved 💗
3. You’re needed 👥
4. You’re alive for a reason 👣
5. You’re stronger than you think 💪
6. You’re going to get through this 🙏
7. I’m glad you’re still alive 😀
8. Don’t give up 🌟
9. Be positive 👍
10. I care 👯👬

Nap time 😴

💕AshKaay 

People always ask me

People always ask me why I lift people up & how I find it within myself to always think of others first when I’m depressed or down myself. 

The reason I do is because people need it & when people are down I don’t want them to feel the way I do. 

I live by this.. JOY = Jesus first, Yourself last, Others in between. 

I hope everyone has a great day, I am going out of my comfort zone & going to the mall. Praying that my social anxiety disorder will settle down & no panic attacks today.

💕AshKaay

cheer up!

So, I went to the optometrist today. Which I hate doing.

I was born with a lazy eye & wore glasses most of my life. A few years ago my vision was clear enough for me not to wear them.

The optician told me today that I need to wear glasses again! Oh so effing wonderful.

I’ve always felt insecure wearing glasses but you know what.. I’m going to try & embrace the new AshKaay with glasses! 

Everyone needs cheering up now & again & I have seen some really depressed posts lately so here’s to all the women who feel down, depressed, defeated or any other crappy emotion:

If you get called a bitch, don’t worry we all are, B-eautiful; I-ntelligent; T-alented; C-harming & H-ot 🌻

To all you women who think you’re fat because you’re not a size zero. It’s society who’s ugly not you! 👸

To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need the acceptance of others. You need to accept yourself. Sometimes it’s hard, but try. Keep pushing to find your own beauty!

Quick quote:

“If you’re always trying to be normal, you’ll never know how amazing you are!” 

Remember to smile 😊

AshKaay 💕

Ask yourself this,

Are you living or just existing? 

At the moment, I’m stuck in the middle of the two. On one hand I’m living but on the other I’m just a girl on this earth.

Existing: I’m good at just existing as it requires hardly anything to do. I work, sleep, don’t sleep, eat & bath. Same things over & over. I’m just the norm!

But Living I am also doing, I’m writing a blog, trying to be positive & trying to do things out of my little bubble (comfort zone). 

So are YOU living or just existing? 

-AshKaay