deproo!

you don’t get it okay
It’s not easy for me to explain 
But I’m not trying to be lazy, it’s just that I’m so effing tired
And I have no motivation to succeed and I don’t even know why this life is happening to me!

When depression takes over & I can’t push through it, I have to close my door & shut the world out. It’s the only way I know how to survive. 

I can’t get through this depressive state. No one understands properly. The people in my workplace think I’m nuts, I know it. 

They look at me like I’m an outcast, an alien & it’s not fair. I’m trying my best & my best is never good enough. 

All I do is pray, pray & pray. Is God listening to my prayers? 

7 thoughts on “deproo!

  1. I wonder the same thing sometimes. But yet I get through every day and sometimes they are good lol… And sometimes I really feel happy. And sometimes the actual prayer gets answered ie, “Please don’t let me slide into the car in front of me,” or “Please help me get dressed today.” And eventually the very depressed phase gives way to the normal, slightly depressed phase and I know I am going to be all right for a while. It is hard to continue those spiritual disciplines, the praying, reading the Bible, going to church, being nice to people (lol) – but then I think – HOW BAD would it be if I DIDN’T do them?

    xo

    Liked by 1 person

  2. The spirit hears your tears and feels your pain and sees your darkness. And yet the spirit still loves you. Always and forever.

    The darkness you feel is because you have closed yourself to what it means to be you. The emptiness you feel is because you have closed yourself off to the spirit of the world. The worthlessness you feel is because you believe in a worthless reality.

    Give your reality meaning. Give your reality light. Give your reality love. Give yourself over to the world. Let your light shine.

    I don’t think you’re nuts. I don’t think you’re an alien. Or stupid. Or mean. Or anything.

    I think you are you. What you choose to make of that is up to you. Your light is beautiful. Don’t be afraid to let it shine, let it shine, let it shine. (Have a little music playing in my head while I typed that – can you hear it when you read this?)

    I hope you can. It means we are connected. And I’m desperate to connect to someone.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I cannot tell you how good it feels to hear you say that. I was dreaming about how to create utopia when your comment notification dinged. You gave me chills. Thank you so much for connecting with me. So so so much. It’s so exciting to feel someone out there. I can’t wait to see how you shine.

        Like

      2. Let us pray the world does not tear me apart for daring to be so graceful. It’s what they asked for, you know? By the grace of God, heaven will me remade on earth. I’m the grace.

        I desperately hope I’m the saving grace as I believe I am. To the depths of my soul. At the very least, I hope others ask to be saved by the grace I have been granted by something I don’t understand. All I understand is that I’m meant to save. And the perfect way to save people is to love them as they are. Just accept them as perfect as they are meant to be and poof! They’re saved from pain and suffering. So easy. So amazing. So peaceful. Love has been, is, and always will be the key to work miracles.

        Liked by 1 person

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